WAKE UP! Third Saturday college football television schedule, viewing guide, and unwatchable filth

Third Saturday is here, a time of joy fueled by hate, and this year we have the added incentive of last year’s fiasco to avenge. The Tide face yet another ranked opponent (its fourth in as many weeks), in a game that could prove determinative in who jets to Atlanta for the SEC crown.

But, that’s not the only game today (though I could forgive you for qualitatively feeling that way), and there are other entertaining viewing options. Let’s see what’s on and why to watch it.

Schedule via CFB Grid, in God’s Right and Proper Central Time Zone.

No. 10 LSU @ No. 17 Vanderbilt — For the first time since 2018, the ‘Dores are an SEC favorite. It’s easy to be skeptical of an LSU team that doesn’t have a running game, lost to the first competent offense they faced, and still have Nussmeier (and his questionable decision-making under center). For that matter, is Vanderbilt actually good? Or are their results the artifact VU’s schedule? This is a good game to start sorting out some order in the SEC’s top tier. Vandy has been lights-out at home the past two years, as well.

No. 5 Ole Miss @ No. 10 Georgia — Now this one we do have an answer for: Ole Miss has 100% played a slop schedule, and though they eked out an ugly, ugly home win against the one SEC team they played of any quality, I don’t think any one outside of Oxford is sold on Chambliss as some gamechanger under center. But what does Georgia really have on their own sideline? Do you trust Mike Bobo in a battle of wits vs. Pete Golding? How much gas do the Dawgs have in the tank after a four-game swing that has seen them play Alabama, Auburn and now the Rebels? This could be a very cursed game for many reasons, as the two former Saban coordinators square off once again. Kirby and Lane can always grab a cold one after the game and reminisce about that 2015 Tide title team.

Old Dominion at James Madison — Do you miss football where teams ran the ball with little regard for the forward pass, and then left it up to their defenses? In this very old FCS rivalry, these two will take you back to a purer day of football. I’ve legitimately been looking forward to this one for three weeks. It’s going to hit like crack for fans of Old Man Strenf football. Winner claims a stranglehold on the Sun Belt.

Holy War! No. 23 Utah @ No. 15 BYU — These two absolutely despise one another. And they’re weird as hell. It’s made even spicier with both now being in the Big 12, where the wins and losses count even more since it’s about conference jockeying.

Washington at Michigan — No one is probably catching Indiana and Ohio State in the Big Ten, and even the Ducks are on the outside looking in. But how good are that pair overall? You can answer that by looking at the “middle class” of a conference, where this pair firmly reside. Don’t forget that Jim Harbaugh notably drove off his OC, Jedd Fisch. The latter has landed on his feet quite well as head man of the Huskies; the former is a condemned cheater. It’s also in Seattle, which is a very loud college venue, at least for the Pac 12 Big Ten. Would it break your heart to see Michigan fall to 4-3, losing every game against a decent team they faced? I didn’t think so.

No. 16 Missouri @ Auburn — I don’t think we’re under the illusion this will be a well-played game. But you will watch anyway to see what the ‘Barn’s latest ineptitudes may bring, and who’s going to get tossed under the bus this week in the post-game press conference. Hugh Freeze once again spend the week whining about last week’s officiating, and stands a fair chance to the let Dawgs beat him two weeks in a row.

No. 12 Georgia Tech @ Duke — The Bees turn the ball over a helluva lot, and though they’ve managed to escape a time or two despite it, the Blue Devils passing game can turn those miscues into points. Very dangerous game for one of the ACC’s leaders. With Miami’s loss last night to Louisville, Tech resides atop that dubious leaderboard. Will they leave Durham still tied for first? The Dookies are also in first place.

No. 21 USC @ No. 13 Notre Dame — God only knows how the Irish, who’ve lost to both of the decent teams they’ve faced, are playing for a chance to break back into the Top 10. A win over the Trojans just might do it. At times, USC has looked a bit more physical this year, and the offense is certainly better, but the Irish have absolutely made life a living hell lately for Lincoln Riley. And this ND squad can actually throw the ball for a change too. But has the Domer secondary actually improved? A lot of bloom is off the rose of this historic intersectional rivalry, as USC is trying to weasel their way out of future meetings. This game could tell us why they’re so eager to avoid the Irish.

No. 7 Texas Tech @ Arizona State — This is probably the best team that the Red Raiders have played to date, and it’s not like the Sun Devils are even that skilled this year. But if TTU wants to be taken seriously as a Top 10 team, they have to handily win these sorts of games against quality opponents. They passed their first test, annihilating Utah in SLC. One gets the feeling this will be a bit more difficult.

Baylor at TCU — Revivalry, as they call it, pits two of the Big 12’s top three offenses in a full-bore Fort Worth shootout. Plenty of points, plenty of turnovers, plenty of hot pants and chicks in cowboy boots. It’s everything big and dumb and tacky about Texas football.

No. 24 Texas at Kentucky — Watching Longhorns football feels like a mandated HR training session: a brutal three-hour slog, hating everyone around you, and you can’t wait for it to end because that turkey sandwich in your lunch box is far more exciting. It’s the most corporate, sanitized Football (TM) experience in the country. And Greg Byrne probably loves it.

Kentucky is even worse. It’s not that they’re not trying; they are. It’s that they’re Kentucky, and these are tedious Saturdays. Say what you will about the Bad Old Days of Kentucky football, but at least Jared Lorenzen was fun. I’m convinced not even alumni want to watch Mark Stoops.

This game, and each of these teams, has all the passion of a leper at an orgy: They’re going through the motions just hoping they don’t lose something important.

Here is your open thread. We’ll see you back for Third Saturday. Roll Tide