The start of the school year means some parents will be asking a big question: is it time for a child’s first phone?
Safety concerns, particularly around travel to and from school, or being home after school without a parent, often drive this decision. There can also be huge social pressure if many of a child’s friends have a phone.
But it doesn’t have to be inevitable. How can you tell if your child is ready for a smartphone? What are the alternatives? And how do you set achievable, healthy boundaries if your child does get a phone?
Why a phone is a big decision
Many parents will be aware of the concerns about children’s wellbeing around technology, including potential harms to mental health, if they are exposed to inappropriate content, bullying or simply use the phone too much.
Studies also show it can lead to dependence on the phone and distraction or lack of focus at school and in general. So it’s important to make good choices and provide family support alongside this.
How do you know if your child is ready for a phone?
Appropriate phone ownership does not necessarily depend on a child’s age but on a child’s readiness and family circumstances.
Recent studies show children who receive phones based on readiness rather than age show better long-term digital habits. These include managing the constant distraction of phones and good judgement around the content they regularly browse and engage with.
–You can look at a child’s child’s readiness for a phone in several ways: -how responsible are they with the technology they already use?
–do they follow family guidelines around screen time?
-how willing are they to discuss their online experiences with you? Do they come to you if there is a problem or something they don’t understand?
-do they have a basic understanding of digital privacy and security?
-what’s their decision-making like offline? What are they like with family, friends and other responsibilities?
Non-phone options
If you decide yes, your child is ready, they don’t necessarily have to go straight to a smartphone with all the bells, whistles and apps.
For basic safety requirements, such as travel to school, a smartwatch or basic phone can allow your child to receive and make calls and texts, but without accessing the internet.
If you want to prioritise social connection (so a child isn’t left out with friends), you could might start with a shared family tablet featuring supervised messaging apps. This allows children to maintain friendships within set boundaries.
How to manage the transition to a phone
As children demonstrate growing independence and digital maturity, they can progress to restricted smartphones with parental controls, gradually earning more privileges through demonstrated responsibility.
Or your child could have a smartphone with regular “check ins”. Here parents and the child discuss and review common challenges such as managing notifications, apps the child is permitted to use and where the phone can be used.
This approach acknowledges full smartphone access isn’t an immediate necessity but rather the final stage in a thoughtful digital progression.
Research indicates families who implement this graduated approach report fewer conflicts around technology as well as better long-term digital habits in their children.
The key lies in matching technology access to genuine needs rather than perceived social pressure, while maintaining clear boundaries and open communication.
3 vital ‘new phone’ conversations to have
Even though many schools now have phone restrictions during school hours, planning for healthy use outside of school is extremely important.
There are three vital “new phone” conversations to have with your child, to make sure things get off to the right start.
Friend requests: these can be over the top and often overwhelm children and parents. You do not have to say yes to all of them. Decide how to manage the continuous stream of requests and how to cull unnecessary contacts.
Screen time: there will likely be a “screentime spike” when your child gets their own device. This is exacerbated by the constant temptation to just zone out and browse content. Decide together on workable “no-tech” times and zones in the home. For example, no phones in the car and no phones after 9pm, or restrictions on browsable content such as YouTube or Tiktok. Parents can assist children to use in-built screentime features in the phone that shut down such apps during restriction times.
Notifications: because of multiple group chats and new friends, there will be never-ending pings and notifications. This will encourage even more screen time, sometimes well into the night. Go into the phone settings with your child and together decide which notifications to turn off (ideally, most of them). This will mean children have fewer distractions and more sleep, and the entire household will be more peaceful.
