`Letting Them`: 5 tips to manage stress, relationships, and self-perception

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by someone else’s emotions, or found yourself endlessly comparing your life to others’? If the answer is “too much,” you’re not alone. American author, former lawyer and podcast host Mel Robbins introduces the ‘The Let Them Theory’. 

Diving into the theory in her audiobook on Audible, she offers a profound yet simple way to break free from this cycle.

This guide unpacks how two words—”Let Them”—can revolutionise the way you manage stress, relationships, and self-perception. If you’ve ever found yourself struggling to balance others’ opinions with your own needs, this theory could be the life reset you need.

These transformative tips from Robbins aim to inspire people to make conscious choices, and for those ready to embrace this empowering mindset.

1. Managing life problems and stress
Don’t you think life’s minor annoyances often become energy drains? Stress often stems from our attempts to control situations beyond our reach. Mel Robbins reveals the power of acceptance with her “Let Them” mantra. This approach doesn’t mean ignoring responsibilities but acknowledging that you can only manage your reaction. “The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them. When you stop trying to control things that aren’t yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You reclaim your time, your peace of mind, and your focus. You realise that your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else’s behaviour, opinions, or mood.”

Takeaway: Next time you’re overwhelmed, pause and ask yourself: Is this really within my control? Then, consciously let go of what isn’t, and redirect your energy to what truly matters.

2. Dealing with someone else’s emotional reactions
Navigating others’ emotions can feel like walking on eggshells. The author emphasises that others’ feelings are their responsibility—not yours. Explaining the value of compassion paired with boundaries she notes, “You’re allowing other people’s emotional immaturity to have power over your life. You’re allowing someone else’s outbursts, guilt trips, and reactions to dictate your actions, leading you to constantly manage their emotions rather than focusing on your own.”

Takeaway: The next time someone’s mood threatens to derail your day, repeat the mantra. As Mel suggests, “Using the Let Them Theory…make the right decisions for you, even if they make other people upset. You maintain your power when you stop taking on the burden of others’ emotions and act in a way that aligns with your values.“ 

3. Overcoming chronic comparison
Comparison is often the thief of joy. In a world dominated by highlight reels, it’s easy to feel inadequate. In the audiobook, Mel Robbins flips the script, urging us to use comparison as a tool for reflection rather than self-criticism! Mel asserts, “The fact is, there are two different types of comparison that people engage in: torture or teacher. In order to use comparison to your advantage, you must first identify which type of comparison you are doing, and it’s very easy to tell the difference.”

Takeaway: The next time you’re tempted to compare, focus on your journey. Use others’ successes as inspiration for crafting your unique path. This perspective turns jealousy into a tool for self-growth! As she aptly puts it, “Other people’s success is evidence that you can do it too. By turning inspiration into action, you begin to build the extraordinary life you deserve.” 

4. Mastering adult friendship
Adult friendships can be challenging, especially when expectations are misaligned. Mel Robbins explains that relationships ebb and flow, and sometimes, letting go is an act of love. She believes, “There are three pillars to adult friendship: proximity, timing, and energy. It’s your responsibility to understand these three pillars and adopt a flexible mentality and proactive approach to your friendships. You have so much power in your relationships and some of your most favorite people are just waiting for you to go first.”

Takeaway: Recognise that friendships, like all relationships, evolve. Lean into those that align with your present and let others go with gratitude for the role they once played. This mindset helps you build authentic connections and also allows flexibility in relationships.

5. Choosing the love you deserve
Mel’s insights on relationships are a wake-up call to those who settle for less. She stresses the importance of valuing yourself and recognizing red flags. Advocating for choosing self-worth over settling, she says, “You’re chasing people who won’t commit, or pouring time into people who don’t love you back, or refusing to accept the person that you’re with… Other people do not hold the power in your relationships, you do. It’s time to show up differently.”

Takeaway: Trust actions over words. When someone shows you their true nature, honour yourself by responding accordingly, whether it means staying or walking away. As per Mel, “stop chasing love and start choosing it.” This way, you can prioritise relationships that uplift and inspire you. 

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